As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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