how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
