Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
