Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
