Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
