I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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