Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize