I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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