whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
