Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
