Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize