Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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