i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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