i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
