and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
