guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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