My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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