am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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