i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
