A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
