My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
