after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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