Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize