I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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