Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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