chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
