This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
