Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
