I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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