nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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