you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
