She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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