Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
