have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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