Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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