I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
