i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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