Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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