hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
