Can i not drive my cunt home
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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