In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
