he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
