last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
