I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
