Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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