If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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