what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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