Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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