I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
