the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it because I queefed?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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