we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
