if you like me you must not know who I am
If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
