then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
