People in love make me want to vomit
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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