so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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