i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's like iHOP with fire
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize