there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
