I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
