Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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