Porn is love you can see.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
