Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
