i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dicks are not precious.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
