So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
