you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
