She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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